Alexander Macklin sits across from me in a wicker armchair on the porch of his sprawling cottage, fast asleep. Despite his beautiful clothes and muscular build, his age shows: his hair is white and thinning and his tanned skin is painted with wrinkles. No one would know from looking at him that he was one of the most successful patent lawyers of his time. They also would not know that when he wakes up, he will not know what day it is or when he is going home to the city. He will not know when he last ate or who it is smiling in the pictures on the wall, because Alexander Macklin, my resilient, healthy, and successful grandfather, has late-stage Alzheimer’s disease and his mind has erased all but a few of his memories.
People are always so devastated when they learn of my grandfather’s disease. They say they are so sorry to hear about what he is no longer able to do or remember. From the outside, and even as one of his primary caretakers, it is so easy to only see the loss. However, sitting here, thinking about my grandfather’s life, I am struck by a wonderful realization. As my grandfather’s illness progressed, the most incredible thing happened: he retained only his best memories, the ones that still make him light up as if the world is filled with nothing but goodness.
My grandfather lived a devastatingly difficult life. Born into abject poverty, hungry, isolated, and facing seemingly insurmountable challenges, he fought with everything he had to rise out. He has every right to be traumatized, hurt, and angry and considering the severity of his difficulties, I would have assumed those memories would be the strongest in his mind and the last to disappear. However, when my grandfather wakes up, he will look at whoever is in the room and chuckle. He will take in his surroundings, and then tell one of 7 stories, the only 7 memories his brain spared as the rest were taken by illness. As I sit here, listening to his stories for the hundredth time, I am still amazed by the beauty behind what he is saying. His 7 memories, the only ones he has left from his 89 years of life, are all positive.
My grandfather will begin by telling of his Scottish heritage and his trip to Scotland when he was a boy, breaking into Glaswegian song. He will laugh as he tells of the chickens he cared for as a child, whose eggs saved his life when he had no food, and who he still fondly refers to as his “chickies” to this day. My grandfather will tell stories of playing the violin that his mother saved up for, which provided him with a distraction from the surrounding darkness. He also loves to tell of how he met my grandmother in a dance hall and was enchanted by her, taking her to see the moon through a telescope the very next night.
He will beam with pride as he talks about playing for the Calgary Stampeders in the Canadian Football League, visibly transported back to thousands of fans cheering for him in the stands. My grandfather will also proudly tell of the incredible career he had as a lawyer, fighting cases in the Supreme Court of Canada wearing his long, black robes, and earning the Queen’s Counsel, the highest honour a Canadian lawyer can be awarded. Finally, my grandfather will tell of how he eventually earned enough money to buy his family a cottage, where he watched his children and grandchildren grow.
My grandfather only has a handful of memories left and they are all joyful. He remembers only what brought him happiness: moments of pride, perseverance, achievement, and love. What a beautiful story he tells of his life and what a beautiful life he lives now, laughing, dancing, and joking, caught in the moments of his life that made him feel wonderful. To me, this is my grandfather’s most amazing story: who he is now, and the way he held onto joy when his illness gave him the chance to only keep a few things. When it really comes down to it, when your mind only spares a handful of your memories, which will they be? What will be the most significant moments of your life? What will you remember when almost everything is gone? I like to think it will be moments of joy and my grandfather teaches me every day to fight for that.
